


I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be,  a reason to start over new- and the reason is you

by Magykal777



Series: Woven in My Soul [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:01:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24359245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magykal777/pseuds/Magykal777
Summary: Tony's point of view
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Tony Stark/Original Female Character(s), Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Tony Stark/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Woven in My Soul [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1758688
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be,  a reason to start over new- and the reason is you

Tony Stark’s biggest mistake was being born.

Or, at least, that’s what his father made him believe. Howard never seemed to have a good word for him and was disappointed by everything he tried to do. His mother, on the other hand, buoyed him up and helped fight the hurt of neglect that his father brought.

\-- 

His mind might have been like Howard’s, but his heart was his mother’s.

That was what Maria said, anyway. She’d told him this after he voiced aloud that he wished he’d been born an AI so that at least his father would pay more attention to him.

His mother had helpfully pointed out their differences and what he would be lacking had his wish come true.

_“Uh, thanks, I guess.”_

And then later:

_“Actually, no. I wish we had time to go sightseeing.”_

He didn’t know who his soulmates were, of course, but they seemed to be able to sense his every mood and proved to be just as good at cheering him up as his mother was.

Maria said he was very lucky to have two people meant for him.

\--

His mother liked to play the piano and so Tony learned along side her, thinking that _his_ soulmates might like hearing him play, too. It seemed to do wonders on his father, after all.

She was patiently teaching him one of the many songs she knew when he finally asked, “what do you think they’ll be like, mom?”

“No one can guess,” she’d answered gently, “it’s almost worse if you build a false image. You might be disappointed.”

Tony felt slightly sick at that, knowing what came with _disappointment,_ “ _I_ won’t be.”

Maria had smiled softly at him, and then, almost mockingly, he remembered her saying, “I’m sure they’ll be lovely. I can’t wait to meet them.”

\--

He wasn’t often allowed to travel with his parents, mostly because he was too young and his father saw him as a disturbance. But, he went on trips as often as he could, thinking that was where he’d find one of his soulmates.

He already had the question prepared: _Come here often, gorgeous_?

It wouldn’t even matter what his soulmate looked like; he _knew_ they would be a beautiful person, so why not make them feel good about themselves at their first meeting?

He had no idea what to say to the other one.

\--

His twenties were the worst years of his life.

He’d just finished graduating college early and lost most of the activities that had consumed his life for the past two years. He’d then studied abroad in various places, holding on to the vain, childish hope that he’d meet his soulmate somewhere.

Tony had decided, though, that he wouldn’t be one of the people who waited.

It didn’t mean he didn’t love his soulmates any less. After all, the extra experience might be good when he finally found them and wanted to have a _meaningful_ relationship.

He’d returned to his parent’s house in Italy sometime in late June after spending the day with a beautiful Italian girl whose name he’d already forgotten.

He could feel some of the faint, ever-present emotions filtering through his bonds and while he’d lost his obsession with them over the years, he still glanced fondly at his wrists, briefly wondering what his soulmates were doing.

The thought was pushed away as he went to his parent’s bar, poured himself a drink and went to sit on the balcony to take in the sunset on the Mediterranean Sea.

 _This is some place I’d like to take them_.

The idea crossed his mind unexpectedly but the drink was already fuzzing the edges of his thoughts, so it didn’t come as a surprise to him. It was a beautiful place, after all. It was only right to fill it with beautiful people.

Almost as if they were aware, there was a sudden _surge_ of emotion from his right wrist.

The drink had been in his left so he didn’t drop it, but he glanced down in confusion. Normally, the most he ever felt was a faint, direct feeling if the person on the other side really focused. Now, though, it was something that he could clearly identify as _panic_.

He closed his eyes and tried to focus, sending them gentle waves of calm to subdue whatever had caused them to feel this way.

But then he felt _nothing_.

 _This_ caused his drink to shatter on the terracotta tiles of the balcony as he stared at his now-bare wrist in horror, his _own_ panic sweeping through him.

He couldn’t tear his eyes away even if he wanted to.

He knew he should be crying.

He knew that he should feel _something._

But what was the point of feeling anything when a third of your soul was _gone_?

Then, as he felt himself sinking, down, down, _down,-_ right in front of his eyes, a brilliant flash of blue lit up the wrist and the Words were _back_.

A sob of relief escaped him, and suddenly he felt like the world’s biggest… _disappointment._

 _How_ could he have forgotten what his soulmates meant to him?

There was a twist of nausea in his stomach at the thought that he would _ever_ be with someone who wasn’t intended for him, and in that moment, he swore off meaningless romances for good.

What did they matter when there was someone he loved out there for him?

He didn’t know what happened, but the realization of how short human life truly was suddenly dawned on him.

\--

He took to the streets, then, watching the faces of people passing and looking for any resemblance that might be like his soulmate.

He took more day trips to different cities to cover a larger expanse of ground.

He even tried to get his father to help him, knowing that Howard had more resources for finding people at his fingertips than the CIA probably did.

\--

His search stopped abruptly the night his parents died.

Not because Howard’s resources had helped him and he’d lost access, but because he realized that no matter what he did, he’d _never_ be good enough.

They would be better off without him.

\--

With no soulmates to anchor him, he floated.

From the death of his parents onward, it was a meaningless blur of half-lived lives and flashes of sound and color.

He was present, of course, to most people that met with him.

They called him eccentric, strange, brilliant- any word they could use to describe his _oddities_.

But, to those that knew him, they knew he wasn’t really _there_.

He knew he was burning too hot, too fast, too _bright_ and that his life was going to blink out before he could stop it.

He didn’t care.

\--

Afghanistan changed his life, but he wasn’t sure if it was for the better.

For one thing, it grounded him.

It made him _want_ stability, to have something to return to when things got rough.

He wasn’t going to let himself have a relationship, though. That would only put the person in danger.

For another, it brought him a responsibility that he’d never had before.

 _Earth’s Best Defender_.

\--

Of course, swearing off relationships had never worked for him, and he couldn’t stop the connection he felt to one of the only people who’d supported him since his life went to hell.

Pepper Potts was brilliant. Like him, but without the self-destructiveness or anything else that came with being Tony Stark.

It was only natural that she would catch his eye.

\--

It was a risk, they both knew. Either one of them could find their soulmates and leave the other, but Tony had learned from his past mistakes and he would _never_ bring _them_ into this sort of life.

He should’ve known better than to make promises like that to himself.

\--

While he wouldn’t call fighting myths from legend an everyday job, it certainly spiced things up.

What was even _more_ interesting was meeting the so-called ‘great man’ that his father had never shut up about.

It was only when they subdued the god that he noticed the woman.

To his surprise, she wasn’t wearing any sort of suit or armor and despite having just engaged the enemy, she wasn’t beat up at all.

She wasn’t even wearing a helmet, just an old leather jacket, leggings, and a t-shirt.

Still, he couldn’t help but fall into his old patterns of meeting beautiful women, _“come here often, gorgeous?”_

\--

The biggest surprise so far (which was saying something) came during his fight with the blond-haired Asgardian.

The woman from the plane thought herself to be their babysitter, he supposed, and tried to stop their fight. Needless to say, it didn’t work.

It was only when she jumped between them did he begin to take her seriously. Really, how many powered people could there be?

“What is this, the X-Men?”

Her reply was short lived as the blue light finally failed, the force of the god’s hammer sending her flying into a tree trunk.

“Shit!” he exclaimed as the woman became a collateral. How was she going to survive _that_?

He directed his suit over to the fallen woman and spoke to his AI, “give me her stats, Jarv,” he commanded.

The voice in his suit reported- to his surprise- that there was no obvious sign of damage.

“If you could, Sir, look down towards your left.”

Tony followed Jarvis’ request in confusion, his suit’s technology zooming in on the Words exposed on her wrist. He felt a little embarrassed at that, as it was almost _worse_ than looking at someone naked uninvited.

“Just as I thought,” the robotic voice said, scanning the layout of the writing, “she said your Words, Sir. That’s your-“

Tony tensed. After everything that happened so far, there was only so much he could take in a day. He’d made it a point to block out that part of his life, after all. They didn’t need to bring it up in the middle of the end of the world, so he gave a snarl to cut Jarvis off, “that’s not possible, Jarvis. No- no, _stop_.”

\--

He made sure to keep his distance from the blonde woman as they exited the med bay with the dark-haired man. He couldn’t afford to slip up, after all.

“Iridium, what do they need iridium for?”

 _Finally_ , a topic he was comfortable with, “it’s a stabilizing agent,” he answered confidently. It means the portal won’t collapse on itself like it did at SHIELD,” as he walked by Thor, he acknowledged him, “no hard feelings, Point Break. You have a mean swing.”

There was more discussion that Tony paid half attention to before they returned to the subject. He was relieved that _someone_ knew what they were talking about, “Finally, someone who speaks English!”

The woman raised her hand slightly, “is anyone else lost?”

Rogers nodded in agreement, “is that what just happened?”

Tony rolled his eyes as he held his hand out, “ _it’s good to meet you, Dr. Banner. Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled._ And I’m a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.”

He smirked as he pulled his hand away. While his “flings” had never _actually_ included men, he wasn’t afraid to admit when one was attractive, especially when it came to science nerds.

The blonde woman from the plane (he preferred to call her “Blondie,” as using her _actual_ name threatened too many unwanted emotions) seemed to agree with his thoughts and murmured quietly, _“oh no, he’s hot.”_

The man seemed to have heard her anyway, and he looked between them, seemingly unable to decide who to address first. So, he decided on a general, _“uh, thanks, I guess.”_

_Shit._

_\--_

_“Yeah, I suppose I_ do _get the best seat in the house.”_

Oh, he could tell he was going to like this woman.

\--

There were many times that Tony thought he was going to die that day. But this- _this_ took the cake.

Flying a nuke into a wormhole was _definitely_ an idea only he could come up with.

“We can close it!” Romanov reported, “can anybody copy? We can shut the portal down.”

Roger’s voice echoed through the comms, “do it!”

Tony, who was still only halfway to the missile countered, “no, wait!”

“Stark, these things are still coming!”

“I got a nuke coming in, it's gonna blow in less than a minute. And I know just where to put it,” he answered.

It successfully landed on his back and he gripped it tightly, knowing that one mistake could mean the lives of thousands- and more. He accelerated the boosters on the suit and directed it towards his Tower.

“Stark, you know that's a one-way trip?” Rogers said, trying to warn him.

He knew that, but it didn’t mean he wanted to admit it.

“Save the rest for return, J,” he addressed his AI. Back over the comms, he asked, “anyone got placement on Maywell?”

Romanov answered in confirmation, “place her on the line, would you?”

Even if he planned to come back, there was something that could go wrong, and she at _least_ deserved an explanation.

He didn’t want to die a disappointment. He’d lived as one already.

Maywell’s voice echoed in his suit as she asked, “hello?”

He couldn’t help but smile- she’d probably never used a comm before.

“Hey, Blondie,” he answered. There wasn’t much time before he entered the point of no return, so while he’d never been good with sentiment, he tried to put his thoughts together the best he could, “I’m sorry this wasn’t able to work out differently, but you know I don’t have a choice, right? You’ll be happy with Bruce, at least, happier than you would be with me- I promise.”

That much was true, at least, even if she didn’t believe it. Even if Banner could turn into a giant rage monster, it was clear from their first meeting that the man had his life more put together than Tony did.

“I’m redirecting the nuke, Lily,” he said, using her real name for the first time. He didn’t allow himself the chance to enjoy it.

“What?” she breathed, “Tony Stark, you come here right now!”

Tony smiled even as he focused his eyes on the dark, gaping hole. _She sounded like Pepper._

“No can do, Lil,” he answered, regretfully wishing he also had the chance to call his girlfriend, “can I ask you something, though?”

She hesitated before saying, “anything.”

If it were any other situation, he probably would’ve said something inappropriate, but instead he just asked, “stay on the line, would you? Just- just keep talking?”

That might’ve been a mark of weakness but even _he_ didn’t want to face death alone.

\--

He didn’t remember much after releasing the nuke towards the alien army, but he _knew_ he’d be plagued by nightmares from seeing the vacuum of space firsthand.

At the sound of a furious roar, he jerked awake, "Please tell me nobody kissed me.”

\--

They met up with the women side of their team at his Tower. To his surprise, the blonde woman threw her arms around him the moment she saw him, murmuring “oh my god” over and over again. 

It took him a moment to respond, startled by the sudden gesture of affection, but he returned it readily. He _was_ Tony Stark after all, so who was he to deny a hug from a beautiful woman?

(This had nothing to do with her being his soulmate, of course.)

There was a throat-clearing cough that made them pull apart, the blonde woman turning around slightly to see Rogers looking uneasy. She smiled sweetly at him, “I’m sorry, Captain, does affection make you uncomfortable?”

Steve flushed slightly, “we should take care of the prisoner first,” was his response.

Tony grinned- _he was_ definitely _going to like her_ -and said in a not-very-good stage whisper, “I think it does.”

\--

Clean up was the most boring part of any job- hence why he always left it to Pepper to do, since she liked that kind of thing- so he was relieved when they were finally released from their duties.

Only, he found himself surprised again when he turned around in time to see the blonde woman throwing a hard right punch to Loki’s face.

As someone who’d threatened him not hours before, Tony was quite pleased with her actions and came up behind her to give his approval, “that’s a mean right hook you have there, Blondie. And I’m totally not complaining since the bastard deserves it, but why are you punching a god?”


End file.
